The Modern Marriage – Better than being single?

“Oh honey, no…..” replied the fortune teller, to the question of “Will I meet my husband in New York City?”

It was the Spring of 2003, I had just closed on a 500-square foot condo on 7th Avenue and 18th street in Chelsea, and my boxes were barely unpacked.  As hard as it is to find a lasting relationship in New York City, the palm reader had at least a 50% chance of being right. Or maybe she had taken one look at this bossy, independent, 31-year old and decided I wasn’t wife material (a sentiment also supported by my own father).   

As with certain other Gen X women in New York, getting married had never been a priority for me. I was busy living my life, seeing the world and taking care of business.  Being a wife meant responsibilities that I didn’t want, the loss of freedom, and in a place like New York City, a persistent FOBO (Fear of a Better Offer) for everyone. 

What I didn’t know at the time was that it’s possible to write your own model of what you want your marriage to be. I knew what I wanted in a potential partner: someone I could totally count on, with whom I could share a laugh, and who could make me think. Luckily, Match.com had been invented by then, so I filled out a short form and send my wish list into the universe. 

After pressing “send” and waiting a few seconds, a message appeared: “You have zero matches based on your preferences”. Exactly what I thought.  By then it was 2006, and I had been living in Atlanta for a few years, having unwillingly relocated during a corporate re-org in 2003.

Fortunately, Mike Downey had set his parameters in Match to a higher tolerance.  In a Venn diagram of our background and interests, our circles barely intersected, but our diverging strengths make our relationship stronger than we would be as individuals.

At my friend Amy’s wedding, the officiant said that marriage “doubles the joys and halves the hardships,” and I have to agree. This week marks the 10-year anniversary of our 08-08-08 wedding. 

Being single is not better or worse than being married; marriage is a choice that is taken and built over time. Being married to someone that I respect, admire and value has made my immeasurably life better, and especially helpful when trying to assemble patio furniture.   

I guess the NYC street fortune teller was right after all, since I didn’t meet Mike in NYC. 

Was Mike crazy or brave for marrying me?

#ModernMarriage #10years